all in the family

h
all in the family
by Cerebella

privileged and ignorant yet
gratuitous too-

would you ever believe me on account
of that one?
is gratitude just another fad, too?

i wouldn’t know, since i don’t vote

and as we all know
people that don’t vote
aren’t allowed to talk.

i don’t feel too
allowed to vocalize pain.

i just don’t have anything better
to do than philosophizing over

careless use of words like ‘JUST’.

in the meantime, i’m flipping

shits when not indulg
ing in handbags and filling petty

voids like that. left and right
i hear things like
‘geez’, or
‘geez, it’s not a big deal’

to world,
i throw a bone to pick,
it’s about how culture taught
me duality is supposedly the shit (well

at least i’m observant). hidden
lesson in all this: opinionatedness has

nothing to do with censorsh
ip- just a display of pride. LIKE
TOTALLY BECAUSE

there you go,
in your slaughterhouse,

for duality is the shit.

there’s something skeevy about it.
i really can’t stand it.

but what would i know?
us spoiled cracker bitches
shouldn’t be proud and

we most certainly should not

have these ‘merits’ people
speak of like they’re realistic

or some shit
we should feel guilty for crying
and carry on with our tea parties,

the show must go on.

just to let you know, world,
i have exhausted my lucidity, i’ve
compared it to global crises
endlessly. i seem to be brakeless.

should i feel a re-directed
cognition to scream over this
compromised
brain-

you know me, so pretentious with my
special needs-
i must excuse myself to the lavatory.

i have it so much better
than
the goddamn
sugar plum
fairy-?

bitch please.
for i too sometimes feel

way paralyzed, signin’
my no-harm contracts,
knowing i am ashamed of what an
objectivist might define as

‘the stupidest shit’.

yes like way! this personality
is restless, turning to the

runaway fantasy, just snapping any
relations with the self,

for i am so fucking frustrated.

where
oh where is

the church not saving me?
am i
so transparent?

sucking at conforming,
has left me, too, feeling way bullied,

also
since elementary school,
also
not just by other kids, but the
big bad adults too.

should my seat of wisdom be smacked
with a bindi,
a swastika,
a candy earring,
acne scarring,

and we’ll just call it all ‘even’?
should i ramble on about all the
lawsuits i should be shoving down

peoples throats?

no. i like change too much.
i’d like to be as free as a bird. solving

things like problems,
because of the word ‘direction’

just has ‘stalemate’ written all over it.

xenophobes-
irrational in
their specialties, just like
the sideshow acts

petrified by what they could do to them-

wear their hearts
so stupidly on their sleeves

no matter how they present themselves.

to counteract their hypocrisy,
they ought to bundle in sweaters.

it is true, after all, that we all do
belong to synthesis
belonging only to love, so

unborrowed, so unblue; it does not tilt
its head at the bigots.

it needs to remind me,
all the time.
i try not to disagree.

sometimes, i just shy away
because i get tired.

self proclaimed radicals,
always pulling back your punches

right after you projectile vomitted
on everyone elses sunshine.

how dare you, you don’t even know
what the hell you’re doing?

do you know about melatonin?
do you know about facial recognition?

i feel perhaps you’re like totally
overheated, when handling

machinery as if it is you or me.

plenty of fish in the big blue sea,
aren’t we all so deep underneath
what we wear, stupid armor

at the end of the day

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4 Comments

  1. “Duality is shit.” She says it twice or almost. cerebella is divided between all kinds of things, none of which offer satisfaction. And her mind is a “global crisis,” even though she may deem that pretentious. She in her divided self stands for all of us, not just as individuals but as nations, cultures, creeds, hegemonies, down through history. And it’s stupid. We and she are all stupid. Everything is too split up into what could be, what is, what is believed, and what pretends to be. No self-knowledge or -understanding because too much at large is contradictory. This is the widest scope and greatest depth of field I’ve read of hers. Although it has personal gender and class references (“us spoiled cracker bitches shouldn’t be proud,” “I have it so much better than the goddamn sugar plum fairy”), it speaks for all segments of society “so fucking frustrated.”

    1. there’s backstory to the personal stuff being in there. speaking through the language that not only i could understand seemed to generate an actual reaction in others, as opposed to my sound-bounciness that i’m used to thinking and talking in. i will always feel like a cartoon character, therein- cartoon characters have feelings, too.

  2. The writing is reflective of that identity, or pseudo-identity, being targeted; it’s hard to tell when these people are expressing themselves outright, if they ever do. And it may seem contradictory that the writer is mimicking the people who ironically mimic others (and thus joins in on that whole spiral) but if you want to target her, the author, for that then go right ahead and we’ll have ourselves a good old fashioned WASPY Brooklyn fight.

    I know that the author lives near Brooklyn, and so the little hints are in there of who I think this is directed toward. The problem with this personality is there is no escaping it’s criticisms no matter who or what you are. They can sit around one-upping each other all day. My commenting on the fact that they will sit around one-upping each other all day could be perceived as a one-up that needed to be quelled by another, and on and on. The author writing it in this way was an acknowledgment of that in my opinion.

    This is a very difficult subject to tackle (I’ve become uncomfortable just writing about it here), and it’s another good example of the really keen observations she can do when she stops pointing the gun at herself (don’t get me wrong, those ones are good too), and makes social commentary for a broader audience.

    It’s very interesting to watch you take this direction. Thanks again.

    1. watch it there sporty spice, i’m of half-wasp descent. you’re really REALLY welcome my loyal internet colleague that’s what martyrs are for!

      i would like to advise the editor that a lot of people actually really can’t do even what’s generalized as ‘simple’ algebra. but the answer here is ‘9’.

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